Powerman 5000
SOMEWHERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF NOWHERE
Mighty Loud Records

If FM radio semi-anthemic electro-metal sing-a-longs are your thing, than boy-howdy do I have one for you. Powerman 5000 have struck gold when it comes to marketability with their newest release “Somewhere on the Other Side of Nowhere”. Fulfilling the prophecy left behind by the likes of Deadsy, Orgy and other Devo metal, Powerman 5000 stand ready to sell you something, I’m just not sure what it is yet. I can’t imagine ANY band setting out WANTING to take the proverbial corporate cock but HOLY FUCKING SHIT; Powerman 5000 do just that.

Cell phones, wrist watches, cars, teenage makeup, zit medication you name it; it can all be sold with this as the backing soundtrack; and you know what? It Stinks!!!! If I need to hear anymore of this I’ll just turn on MTV and listen to the commercials or maybe NFL Sundays; I’m not really sure what corporate advertising medium fits best but this completely reeks of NOW commerciality.

It surely isn’t metal and it’s not really pop music but that’s the opinion of ears tuned to a not to distant decade when metal and hard rock were still under corporate Americas radar. It’s true that Lionel Richie, Madonna, Jacko, Quiet Riot and all the other finely tuned corporate money spinning tools spawned from the decade I alluded to and are the catalyst for all of this shit. So with that in mind, the eighties don’t get off the hook Scott free. But, couldn’t you of at least removed the price tag before you shoved it down my throat.

I don’t really even know where to begin with this; everything is so faceless and written to move units. It’s the cacophony coming out of the mall black tee shirt stores. It’s the corporate bottom line being blasted at the stadium on Sunday. It’s everything I have grown to detest about modern metal and rock; does that work for description?

The only saving grace is that there are hints of melody here and there so they get points for that. But it does not save them from the shameless unit drop they are so eagerly after. They even go as far as to jump on the adolescent vampire craze that seems to have taken the teenage world by storm with “V is for Vampire”. Are they really going for the “New Moon” crowd?  It’s fucking shameless and totally not what rock music should be; “S if for Sellout”.

PITRIFF RATING - 2/10 - When you boil it down to its purest pure what you have is a commercial; Yes Ralphie a “crummy commercial”.  I know it sucks humping a day job and working for the man all the while caught up in the system; but couldn’t you have at least tried a stab at some originality before you sold your soul for the bankroll? Avoid this release at all costs; better than that try and steal the tracks if you can; that’ll learn em!!!    

John Mahoney