• Halestorm - INTO THE WILD LIFE

    Image: Halestorm, Into The Wild Life, Pitriff, heavy metal, reviews, interviews Halestorm
    INTO THE WILD LIFE

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    With the release of THE STRANGE CASE OF…, I fell in love with Lzzy Hale. So much so, in fact, that I jokingly got down on one knee and asked her to marry me at Rock On The Range two years ago (a proposal that she didn’t flat out turn down, so maybe there’s still hope!!). Let’s be

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  • Marilyn Manson - THE PALE EMPEROR

    Image: Marilyn Manson, The Pale Emperor, Pitriff, Modern Metal, Reviews Marilyn Manson
    THE PALE EMPEROR

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    Let’s just call it the way it is. It’s been a very, very long time since Marilyn Manson recorded a really good, memorable release that any of us still listen to on a regular basis. To many, the would probably says that it’s been since MECHANICAL ANIMALS back in 1998. For me personally, I’ll be a bit more

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  • Black Star Riders - THE KILLER INSTINCT

    Image: Black Star Riders, The Killer Instinct, Review, Classic Rock, Pitriff Black Star Riders
    THE KILLER INSTINCT

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    When Black Star Riders made their decision to record under a new name instead of as Thin Lizzy, it was met with a lot of opinions. For most, I would assume they were happy that they decided to move away from the name they had been touring under. For many, I'm sure there was a lot of

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  • Lynch Mob - SUN RED SUN

    Image: Lynch Mob, Sun Red Sun, George Lynch, Classic Rock, Reviews Lynch Mob
    SUN RED SUN

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    On THE CLASSIC METAL SHOW, George Lynch is regularly a topic of conversation. Maybe that has to do with the fact that Neeley is a personal friend of Don Dokken and I work for Don on his website, but I like to believe that he becomes a topic because, first and foremost, we are big fans of the

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  • Karma To Burn - ARCH STANTON

    Image: Arch Stanton, Karma To Burn, Pitriff, Stoner Metal, Reviews Karma To Burn
    ARCH STANTON

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    There are those of us who know. We will forever be known as the "fortunate ones". There are those of you that have no idea. You will be known as the "unfortunate ones". What is it we know that you don't? We know the sheer greatness of Karma To Burn. For those that are unfortunate ones, let me

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  • U.D.O. - DECADENT

    Image: U.D.O. - DECADENT, Classic Metal, Reviews, Pitriff U.D.O.
    DECADENT

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    I'm sure I'm not in the minority here, but I'm glad that we now have a killer version of Accept with Mark Tornillo as well as the continuation of U.D.O. with Udo Dirkschneider. In short, it's led to both bands stepping up their game and creating great music. While neither side will admit competition with the other band, the fans certainly

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  • Sweet & Lynch - ONLY TO RISE

    Image: Sweet & Lynch, Only To Rise, CD Review, Classic Metal, Pitriff Sweet & Lynch
    ONLY TO RISE

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    Being completely honest here, I really didn't expect a whole lot out of this. I'm not the biggest Stryper fan in the world by a long shot, and the truth is that I just never could fully get into Michael Sweet's vocals. There's just always been something about him. I'm not sure what it is. I guess

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  • AC/DC - ROCK OR BUST

    Image: Rock Or Bust, AC/DC, Chris Akin, Pitriff, Classic Metal, Review AC/DC
    ROCK OR BUST

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    In a year that has see a foundational piece of AC/DC succumb to a debilitating illness and another to his own personal insanity, AC/DC emerges after seemingly forever away with ROCK OR BUST. To be fair and truthfully honest, expectations on this release were pretty low. I know that AC/DC is a band that's been in business almost 50

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  • Whitesnake - BACK TO THE BONE

    Image: Whitesnake, Back To The Bone, Pitriff, Chris Akin Whitesnake
    LIVE IN '84 - BACK TO THE BONE

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    David Coverdale and company have had a very long and successful history that started even before he formed Whitesnake. There's no denying the legacy here. Coverdale has had a fantastic career with Whitesnake, and his time in Deep Purple was every bit as strong to that band as a Sammy Hagar was to Van Halen

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Image: Tankard, A Girl Called Cerveza, Pitriff, Heavy Metal News, Reviews, InterviewsTankard
A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA

As a thrash fan, I always try to give all these bands the benefit of the doubt. Tankard is one of those bands that has just never done enough to grab me though. I don't know why. I don't know if it's the silly imagery, or the fact that they really don't write much more than silly, frat boy thrashers or what, but for whatever reason, this band has never caught fire with me.

A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA doesn't change that one iota. Listening to this release does pretty much what every Tankard release does to me - it forces me to think about a lot of better bands of the same genre and wish that I was listening to them instead of Tankard. Songs like "Witch Hunt" are a prime example. Technically, all the elements of a good thrasher are there, but the riffs just sound tired, as do the vocals of Andreas Geremia. For me, Geremia is a big part of the problem. His mish mosh vocals just don't have the fire of a Blitz Ellsworth, Tom Araya or even a Rob Dukes for that matter. They just lay there over song after song, which makes a full trip through A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA a struggle of epic proportion.

Musically, Tankard stays fairly tepid and dull throughout as well. For a thrash band that does play every trash riff you've ever heard other bands play, they are the definition of "standard". Guitarist Andreas Gutjahr is probably trying, but song after song on A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA just lay there because of stale riffs that really don't lead you anywhere at all interesting. Songs like "The Lady Metal Boy" may feature Doro Pesch, but they should have brought in some guitar help instead...like maybe one of Kreator's axe-slingers. Overall, the performances from all the musicians on A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA are OK, but do nothing at all to make them even a little memorable.

PITRIFF RATING - 42/100 - I'm just not feeling it, much like I regularly don't feel what Tankard are doing. This is one of those bands that I've always wanted to like but just couldn't find enough reasons to...and that remains true now. I'm sure my European friends are spitting at their screens right now because of the sacrilege of hammering this band, but I just don't get these guys at all. A GIRL CALLED CERVEZA is typically average thrash from a band that's probably too old and set in their ways to improve or develop any further. My recommendation is to pass on this and buy the new EP from Havok.

Chris Akin

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A look at one of the most polarizing, iconic and best selling albums of all time from author, rock critic and shock jock radio host Chris Akin.

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The shockingly honest and emotional first book from radio personality and rock critic Chris Akin.

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