• Wretch - WARRIORS

    Image: Wretch, Warriors, Review, Power Metal, Chris Akin, Pitriff Wretch
    WARRIORS

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    There's an unwritten rule that I rarely follow here in Cleveland. That rule is that if a band is from Cleveland, I'm supposed to write all glowing things or else be called a hater by the local community. It's sad that it's like that, but the truth is what it is. For years I've lived with that stigma, to the point

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  • Machine Head - BLOODSTONE & DIAMONDS

    Image: Machine Head, Bloodstone & Diamonds, Pitriff, Review, Thrash Metal Machine Head
    BLOODSTONE & DIAMONDS

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    What happened to Machine Head really is a crime. Unfortunately for them, it's a crime they perpetrated upon themselves. With a mistake so many made in their youth, this band singlehandedly torpedoed themselves from ascending to the heights in metal held by only the select few like Metallica and Megadeth before them. After THE MORE THINGS CHANGE came

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  • Nashville Outlaws - TRIBUTE TO MOTLEY CRUE

    Image: Nashville Outlaws, Motley Crue Tribute Nashville Outlaws
    A TRIBUTE TO MOTLEY CRUE

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    With the music industry pretty much dead anymore, nothing really comes off as shocking. After all, you have very desperate companies trying to hang on and make money from an industry that has about as much relevance today as the typewriter ribbon makers of the world still do. The current trend for the last half decade

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  • Texas Hippie Coalition - RIDE ON

    Image: Texas Hippie Coalition, Ride On, Heavy Metal, Hard Rock, Review, Classic Metal Texas Hippie Coalition
    RIDE ON

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    I tell this story often, but it's one of my favorites of the past year. I had the chance to interview the Texas Hippie Coalition earlier this year at Rock On The Range in Columbus, Ohio. I was in a small tent with a bunch of photographers. The tent was fairly quiet really, as the much bigger adjacent

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  • Sammy Hagar - LITE ROAST

    Image: Sammy Hagar, Lite Roast, NonMetal, Review Sammy Hagar
    LITE ROAST

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    I get it. You are Sammy Hagar. You've seen huge success in virtually every world you've entered. In music, he was the main focus of Montrose. He parlayed that into a very successful solo career. That wasn't enough, so he joined the world's largest band at the time (Van Halen), and took them to commercial heights that even they

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  • Cavalera Conspiracy - PANDEMONIUM

    Image: Cavalera Conspiracy, Pandemonium, Pitriff, Death Metal, Review Cavalera Conspiracy
    PANDEMONIUM

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    There's always good news and bad news whenever Max Cavalera gets busy with new music. The good is that you get a whole lot of new music, seemingly all in a very short time. The bad news is it's generally spotty at best, because he simply writes and releases too much music at the same time. His band Soulfly released

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  • Slipknot - .5 THE GRAY MATTER

    Image: Slipknot, .5 The Gray Matter, Pitriff, CD Review, Modern Metal Slipknot
    .5 THE GRAY MATTER

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    With a ton of speculation and even more wonderment on this band's ability to continue on without founding members Paul Gray and Joey Jordison, Slipknot has returned after far too long of a layoff with .5 THE GRAY MATTER. I've listened to this release multiple times a day for the last week or so that I've had it,

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  • Opeth - PALE COMMUNION

    Image: Opeth, Pale Communion, Pitriff, Review, Progressive Metal Opeth
    PALE COMMUNION

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    Opeth simply fails as a band, at least to me. While I'll admit to never fully understanding the amazement and awe so many have for this band, I've appreciated them from afar. I've listened, and I've at least wrapped my head around what they were trying to do. Their fusing of death metal with progressive elements always made for an

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  • Cannibal Corpse - A SKELETAL DOMAIN

    Cannibal Corpse, A Skeletal Domain, Review, Death Metal Cannibal Corpse
    A SKELETAL DOMAIN

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    So really, what does anyone expect when you get a Cannibal Corpse release handed to you? Ballads, love songs and fun? Not hardly. There's an expectation of severe brutality which the band delivers time and time again. Certainly, it comes with different levels of acceptance to one's ears, but ultimately the only thing that matters if it says

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  • Exodus - BLOOD IN, BLOOD OUT

    Image: Exodus, Blood In Blood Out, Pitriff, Review, Thrash Metal Exodus
    BLOOD IN, BLOOD OUT

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    Unless you call Testament a "thrash band" (which I don't personally), Exodus would rank as my favorite true Thrash band of all time. They have had good times and bad. Occasionally, like on FABULOUS DISASTER, they have misstepped along the way. But overall, they are one of the true powerhouses in the history of thrash metal. Since 2004

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Steel Panther - ALL YOU CAN EAT

Image: Steel Panther, All You Can Eat, The Classic Metal ShowSteel Panther
ALL YOU CAN EAT

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They certainly are the joke that just keeps on being retold and being funny, now aren't they? I'm sure there's a lot less people that remember them as Metal Shop, Metal Skool or even way back to the Danger Kitty days, but a whole lot more people have discovered this band since they adopted the name Steel Panther. Having now honed their mock 80s craft as well as their lyrics about fucking stupid chicks, Steel Panther have returned with their most developed, best musical and yet still ridiculously silly lyrical experience to date. In the same fashion they have always chosen, ALL YOU CAN EAT goes to the most outlandish places to talk about getting pussy as it was experienced in the 80s "rock star" scene. Once again, it just works for these guys.

The thing most people forget about Steel Panther is that these guys really are world class musicians. Michael Starr used to be Ralph Saenz; the singer that was by far the best David Lee Roth impersonator ever as well as a one time lead singer of LA Guns. Guitarist Satchel used to be Russ Parrish, the guitarist for Rob Halford's Fight as well as many other name projects over the years. With that in mind, it's not surprising that the performance if this hair metal sounding music is world class and would have been well received from '87-'92 without the crazy lyrics. Just listening to the music on songs like "Gloryhole", you quickly realize that Steel Panther might have missed their musical mark by 30 years.

That said though, they have found their mark as the exaggerated parody of that scene that they represent. The lyrics of ALL YOU CAN EAT make the release, as have their past releases. Filthy beyond any standard of decency and yet comical in much the way a headliner comedian might be at your favorite venue, the songs on ALL YOU CAN EAT will make you laugh...hard! The level of absurdity they go to is pretty much limitless, and yet you can't help but listen, laugh out loud and just think, "yup, that's pretty much what I expected from Steel Panther". Songs like "Gangbang At The Old Folks Home" take things to the most perverse of places that the normal human mind just doesn't go to. Other songs, like "Bukkake Tears" are the essence of what Steel Panther does. If you are casually listening, you might think it's just a mid-tempo ballad from the 80s and never realize that the song is about degrading a sad chick with a cum facial. This is, ultimately, what Steel Panther thrives at doing - creating songs that musically could have been hits in a day gone by, and filling them with sexual depravity generally reserved for locker room or barroom talk amongst shit talking guys. And it works about as well as it can. If you get the joke, you will love ALL YOU CAN EAT. If you don't, you are a prude anyway and would never understand this band in the first place.

PITRIFF RATING - 91/100 - ALL YOU CAN EAT is as strong a release as this band has put together since their inception - regardless of the band name being used. It's comedy and hair metal, which is about the best combination of material you can give a 40 something like me. Well worth the listen.

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A look at one of the most polarizing, iconic and best selling albums of all time from author, rock critic and shock jock radio host Chris Akin.

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