• Halestorm - INTO THE WILD LIFE

    Image: Halestorm, Into The Wild Life, Pitriff, heavy metal, reviews, interviews Halestorm
    INTO THE WILD LIFE

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    With the release of THE STRANGE CASE OF…, I fell in love with Lzzy Hale. So much so, in fact, that I jokingly got down on one knee and asked her to marry me at Rock On The Range two years ago (a proposal that she didn’t flat out turn down, so maybe there’s still hope!!). Let’s be

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  • Marilyn Manson - THE PALE EMPEROR

    Image: Marilyn Manson, The Pale Emperor, Pitriff, Modern Metal, Reviews Marilyn Manson
    THE PALE EMPEROR

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    Let’s just call it the way it is. It’s been a very, very long time since Marilyn Manson recorded a really good, memorable release that any of us still listen to on a regular basis. To many, the would probably says that it’s been since MECHANICAL ANIMALS back in 1998. For me personally, I’ll be a bit more

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  • Black Star Riders - THE KILLER INSTINCT

    Image: Black Star Riders, The Killer Instinct, Review, Classic Rock, Pitriff Black Star Riders
    THE KILLER INSTINCT

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    When Black Star Riders made their decision to record under a new name instead of as Thin Lizzy, it was met with a lot of opinions. For most, I would assume they were happy that they decided to move away from the name they had been touring under. For many, I'm sure there was a lot of

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Image: Bret Michaels, Jammin With Friends, PitriffBret Michaels
JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS

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Have you ever watched some really b-level porn? Nevermind...y'all have and won't admit to it. When watching that porn, have you ever seen some of that more brutal "throat rape", where a dude literally chokes a woman to the point of passing out with an aggressive thrusting designed to blow out the back of her skull JFK style? Did you ever wonder what the chick was thinking at that exact moment? You have to image she was thinking, "man, this seemed like it would be a great idea before we started, but now I'm realizing just how awful this is and how detrimental this could be to the rest of my life." Listening to Bret Michaels' JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is pretty much the same. While it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, the result is just another horrific example of the fact that Michaels is barely a musician anymore; more interested in a name-dropping fest than actually putting any sort of effort into providing a quality product to the sheep that still buy his garbage.

Every possible thing that could be wrong with JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is, with the exception of the production being solid. That's actually to the detriment of Michaels though, as it really proves just how lazy his performance is time and time again. His vocal performance of the overdone, repeatedly reworked Michael's penned Poison song "Nothin' But A Good Time" is abysmal. It's nearly a spoken word version of it, made far worse by having to tolerate shitty yelling by rapper L'il Jon. It's literally unlistenable, much like damn near every other song on the disc. Once again, Michaels finds that it's not worth the effort to write much new material for his fans, instead opting to once again prostitute both the Poison and solo catalog to remake songs that were barely necessary in the first place. Here's a hint to Michaels - we know your daughter's name is "Raine", and we know that song is special to you. Ultimately though, it's a shit song that very few people liked then. Reworking it and adding the great Edwin McCain to it does not make it any more tolerable.

When Michaels does write some new material, it's pretty much as abysmal as anything that's reworked poorly here. "You Know You Want It" is the worst song of Michaels' career, and just might be the worst song ever recorded by a formerly platinum selling artist. It's an embarrassing attempt to write a song for the dance clubs. Just imagining this 50 year old guy crooning to bitches to back up on his dick because they know they want it is pretty pathetic and poor. But that's Michaels for you in 2013; a media whore desperately trying to prove that he's still relevant and "hip" to the kids. Another original, "The App Song" is just as bad with all it's references to being modern. We get it, Bret, you have a smartphone. It has apps and you can text with it. Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure 10 years from now when all that technology is dated, you'll rerecorded this song again and just replace the words with whatever technology is popular at the moment. That's the lazy way out, so it's expected.

PITRIFF RATING - 1/100 - There's a list of albums from 80s artists that are pretty much the worst of all time from the genre. Such jewels as Gene Simmons' A$$HOLE, Lynch Mob's SMOKE THIS, Dokken's SHADOWLIFE and Motley Crue's GENERATION SWINE all are on this list. Fortunately for them though, Bret Michaels keeps putting out solo albums that push them down that list. JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS though might just have cemented the #1 spot forevermore. As God awful as it gets, you are better served to carve your ears out of your head than to listen to this.

Image: Cause/Effect Metallica, Chris Akin

A look at one of the most polarizing, iconic and best selling albums of all time from author, rock critic and shock jock radio host Chris Akin.

CLICK HERE to learn more about CAUSE/EFFECT: METALLICA.

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Image: Little Victories, Book, Chris Akin

The shockingly honest and emotional first book from radio personality and rock critic Chris Akin.

CLICK HERE to learn more about LITTLE VICTORIES.

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Read Reviews and Excerpts from LITTLE VICTORIES: A TALE OF DIVORCE, DEBAUCHERY AND FINDING HAPPINESS HERE!

Available January 13th in Paperback and Digital Formats on Amazon and iTunes.

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