• Slash - WORLD ON FIRE

    Image: Slash, Myles Kennedy, Conspirators, World On Fire, Pitriff, review, classic metal Slash
    WORLD ON FIRE

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    Hey Gene Simmons. The corpse of rock n' roll just had a baby. That baby is not an average baby at all. That baby was not stillborn, but came out kicking and screaming with an intensity rarely seen. This baby is destined for greatness. This infant is out to prove you wrong. While your days of spitting fire and

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  • Davey Suicide - WORLDWIDE SUICIDE

    Image: Davey Suicide, Worldwide Suicide, Pitriff, Reviews, Modern Metal Davey Suicide
    WORLDWIDE SUICIDE

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    I had the pleasure of working directly with Davey Suicide as he prepped his debut release a few years ago for release. I got to work with him on some promotional stuff, some publicity stuff, his website and a lot more of that kind of stuff. In that work, I quickly found him to be far more than the

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  • Ministry - LAST TANGLE IN PARIS

    Image: Ministry, Last Tangle In Paris, Pitriff, Review, Industrial Metal Ministry
    LAST TANGLE IN PARIS

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    Al Jourgensen of Ministry has been threatening to take his ball and go home for a long time now. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I believe that he'll ever retire. Every time he says he's retiring, he seems to come right back with more music that's stronger, meaner and just better than anything in his past. Being quite

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  • Kix - ROCK YOUR FACE OFF

    Image: Kix, Rock Your Face Off, Classic Metal, Pitriff, Review Kix
    ROCK YOUR FACE OFF

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    Kix might just be the last of the '80's bands to release new material. By now, it seems like everybody else you could name from the glory days of yesteryear has made a stab at making music in the new millennium. Of course, a lot of them, we wish they hadn't, and just left us to our misty-eyed

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  • Evergrey - HYMNS FOR THE BROKEN

    Image: Evergrey, Hymns For The Broken, Review, Progressive Metal Evergrey
    HYMNS FOR THE BROKEN

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    In the world of progressive metal, there are exactly 2 bands which I worship. Those bands are Symphony X and Evergrey. Both bands are immensely talented, feature incredible musicianship, and come full of great lyrical and musical representations that tell amazing stories to the listeners. Following their last release GLORIOUS COLLISION, it really seemed like Evergrey may have

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  • Ace Frehley - SPACE INVADER

    Image: Ace Frehley, Space Invader, Pitriff, Classic Metal, Reviews Ace Frehley
    SPACE INVADER

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    Am I the only one that is tired of not only Ace Frehley, but all members of Kiss past and present? Since they were nominated for the ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF CORPORATE, it has been a steady stream of nonsense, bickering, anger, hurt feelings and now emotional trauma. It's over already. Get over it. It's 2014. Kiss is

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  • Blackberry Smoke - LEAVE A SCAR

    Image: Blackberry Smoke, Leave A Scar, Pitriff, Review, Rock Blackberry Smoke
    LEAVE A SCAR - LIVE IN NORTH CAROLINA

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    Right up front, Blackberry Smoke is not a metal band. They are a southern-rock band, in the classic, original sense. These days, the term "southern rock" has been applied to everybody from Black Stone Cherry to Nashville Pussy to Crowbar, all sounds that would be alien and extreme in the days of Skynyrd and

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  • Skid Row - UNITED WORLD REBELLION, CHAPTER 2

    Image: Skid Row, United World Rebellion Chapter 2, Pitriff, Classic Metal, Review Skid Row
    UNITED WORLD REBELLION, CHAPTER 2

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    Part two of the three part Skid Row series known as UNITED WORLD REBELLION has been unleashed. Dubbed as RISE OF THE DAMNATION ARMY, UWR2 picks up where the first EP left off. There's simple math here. Over the course of these two EPs you have 14 songs. If you put the two together, you've got

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  • Downset - ONE BLOOD

    Image: Downset, One Blood, Pitriff, Review Downset
    ONE BLOOD

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    As a fan of Downset, I wasn't really surprised when the band split up in 2009. They claimed that "the band has run it's course". As a fan, I believe that. They definitely had a huge influence on a lot of the bigger nu-metal bands of the 2000s. Certainly, anyone that heard releases like DO WE SPEAK A DEAD LANGUAGE

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  • Madball - HARDCORE LIVES

    Image: Pitriff, Madball, Hardcore Lives, Pitriff, Harcore Madball
    HARDCORE LIVES

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    As a total fan of hardcore metal, it's a genre that doesn't always make a lot of sense. Certainly, there's no real questioning why a band like Agnostic Front is the "Black Sabbath" of the genre. Equally, it's not much of a surprise that Biohazard was so well regarded as they broke the style into the mainstream with the big

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  • Accept - BLIND RAGE

    Image: Accept, Blind Rage, Pitriff, Clasic Metal, Review Accept
    BLIND RAGE

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    Accept continue to rage on. Since his debut with the band, it's as clear as can be that vocalist Mark Tornillo has completely revitalized this band. His first two discs with the band, BLOOD OF THE NATIONS and STALINGRAD, were both masterpieces that sit near the top of the Accept catalog...regardless of who the singer is. This is not to

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  • John Garcia - JOHN GARCIA

    Image: John Garcia, John Garcia, review, stoner metal, review, pitriff John Garcia
    JOHN GARCIA

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    For many of you, the name John Garcia doesn't mean a whole lot. I get that. For some of us - people that have long loved the world of Stoner Rock and Metal, John Garcia is every bit the musical God that people like Ronnie James Dio, Rob Halford and Bruce Dickinson are in the world of "classic metal". With

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  • Godsmack - 1000HP

    Image: Godsmack, 1000hp, review, pitriff, modern metal Godsmack
    1000HP

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    I must be getting old, because recently, I've noticed my attitude softening toward the dreaded "nu-metal" bands of fifteen years ago. Maybe it's just nostalgia for what I now perceive (incorrectly, I'm sure) as a simpler time, but the burnout and disinterest I felt circa 2002, the year I quit seriously listening to mainstream rock radio has mellowed of late. Don't

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  • Wovenwar - WOVENWAR

    Image: Wovenwar, Pitriff, CD Review, Modern Metal Wovenwar
    WOVENWAR

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    More singers should try to have their wives killed if the resulting project to come from that nightmare sounds like Wovenwar. Holy shit is this project great! Being perfectly honest, I wasn't much of an As I Lay Dying fan, so hearing that the surviving members were forming a new project and carrying on with a new singer and new name

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  • Overkill - WHITE DEVIL ARMORY

    Image: Overkill, White Devil Armory, Pitriff, Review, Thrash Metal

    Overkill
    WHITE DEVIL ARMORY

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    Holy shit! Who saw this coming? In an astonishing detour off the band's well-trampled musical path. Their latest album ventures into heretofore uncharted territories, embracing such unexpected sonic offshoots as Eastern-tinged black metal, polka-dotted folk-metal, and, in what is sure to be a harbinger of trends to come, Tuvan throat-singing.

    Nah, just fuckin' with you to see if you

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  • Fozzy - DO YOU WANNA START A WAR

    Image: Fozzy, Do You Wanna Start A War, Pitriff, Modern Metal, Review Fozzy
    DO YOU WANNA START A WAR

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    All the stars are aligned for me to be an absolute worshipper of Fozzy. And yet, I'm just not. It's not that I don't want to be. I'm a huge fan of the WWE, which is where Chris Jericho calls home professionally at least part of the time. To that fact, I'm a fan of Chris

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  • Goatwhore - Constricting Rage Of The Merciless

    Image: Goatwhore, pitriff, review, death metal Goatwhore
    CONSTRICTING RAGE OF THE MERCILESS

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    Here's one for the stout of heart and strong of neck: New Orleans's Goatwhore have just barfed up their sixth album, and if you liked the last few releases, Constricting Rage of the Merciless is sure to appease your charred heart. If you haven't been following along, Goatwhore is sort of a supergroup, if having members of

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Bret Michaels - JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS

Image: Bret Michaels, Jammin With Friends, PitriffBret Michaels
JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS

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Have you ever watched some really b-level porn? Nevermind...y'all have and won't admit to it. When watching that porn, have you ever seen some of that more brutal "throat rape", where a dude literally chokes a woman to the point of passing out with an aggressive thrusting designed to blow out the back of her skull JFK style? Did you ever wonder what the chick was thinking at that exact moment? You have to image she was thinking, "man, this seemed like it would be a great idea before we started, but now I'm realizing just how awful this is and how detrimental this could be to the rest of my life." Listening to Bret Michaels' JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is pretty much the same. While it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, the result is just another horrific example of the fact that Michaels is barely a musician anymore; more interested in a name-dropping fest than actually putting any sort of effort into providing a quality product to the sheep that still buy his garbage.

Every possible thing that could be wrong with JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS is, with the exception of the production being solid. That's actually to the detriment of Michaels though, as it really proves just how lazy his performance is time and time again. His vocal performance of the overdone, repeatedly reworked Michael's penned Poison song "Nothin' But A Good Time" is abysmal. It's nearly a spoken word version of it, made far worse by having to tolerate shitty yelling by rapper L'il Jon. It's literally unlistenable, much like damn near every other song on the disc. Once again, Michaels finds that it's not worth the effort to write much new material for his fans, instead opting to once again prostitute both the Poison and solo catalog to remake songs that were barely necessary in the first place. Here's a hint to Michaels - we know your daughter's name is "Raine", and we know that song is special to you. Ultimately though, it's a shit song that very few people liked then. Reworking it and adding the great Edwin McCain to it does not make it any more tolerable.

When Michaels does write some new material, it's pretty much as abysmal as anything that's reworked poorly here. "You Know You Want It" is the worst song of Michaels' career, and just might be the worst song ever recorded by a formerly platinum selling artist. It's an embarrassing attempt to write a song for the dance clubs. Just imagining this 50 year old guy crooning to bitches to back up on his dick because they know they want it is pretty pathetic and poor. But that's Michaels for you in 2013; a media whore desperately trying to prove that he's still relevant and "hip" to the kids. Another original, "The App Song" is just as bad with all it's references to being modern. We get it, Bret, you have a smartphone. It has apps and you can text with it. Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sure 10 years from now when all that technology is dated, you'll rerecorded this song again and just replace the words with whatever technology is popular at the moment. That's the lazy way out, so it's expected.

PITRIFF RATING - 1/100 - There's a list of albums from 80s artists that are pretty much the worst of all time from the genre. Such jewels as Gene Simmons' A$$HOLE, Lynch Mob's SMOKE THIS, Dokken's SHADOWLIFE and Motley Crue's GENERATION SWINE all are on this list. Fortunately for them though, Bret Michaels keeps putting out solo albums that push them down that list. JAMMIN' WITH FRIENDS though might just have cemented the #1 spot forevermore. As God awful as it gets, you are better served to carve your ears out of your head than to listen to this.

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